*…I Don’t Know.

*What if they see that…

Why CHILD Came To Be.

Some weeks ago I made the decision that CHILD Creatives should have a blog. A place that would hopefully become the centre point of discussions based on the Tri-Ven diagram of Theatre, Education and ‘doing things differently’ – these are the three areas that we at CHILD are really interested in (and at some point we’ll find a succinct way to phrase the last one). I also decided that the first issue of our blog would explain exactly how CHILD Creatives came to be and why it is needed in the world – it would have stats and loads of other intelligent looking things that would justify beyond any reasonable doubt, our existence.

This is that blog, and it has no stats and nothing particularly intelligent looking about it.

 In preparation for writing this I read LOTS of other blogs; Mobius Theatre’s discussions on whether our industry is ‘Building Back Better’, S.B.T.D’s piece highlighting the importance of trans-inclusive costume fittings, to name just two brilliant reads. The whole time I was learning so much about interesting topics and thoughts were being provoked left right and centre, in the unique way that only blogs have the power to do. However, as I read on and on, reinforcing an iron-clad reasoning of why a blog was the right thing to write, I began to feel more and more like I was NOT the right person to write it. These people who are opening up such brilliant and progressive discussions that have a real impact on the world around them should be applauded, awarded for their intelligence and their ability to navigate the most difficult of topics. I was thinking ‘I am not that intelligent person and if I write a blog, everyone will realise that and I’ll be so embarrassed that I’ll have to live out the rest of my days in my bed’.

 

For the last 2 weeks I have been trying to convince myself that I could write a blog, but I could do it ‘my way’ – maybe I’ll turn it into a session plan and people can participate, or I can video it and edit it with loads of amazing graphics and stuff. I realised today totally by myself (directly after a therapy session) that this was my way of protecting myself from the feeling of inexperience, a feeling I was translating to ‘stupidity’ and then shame.

Then it twigged, this exact feeling is what prompted me to begin CHILD Creatives last year.

It’s a feeling that has been ever-present my entire life, occasionally even instigated by the very institutions and people that are there to encourage learning. For as long as I can remember I have told myself that if I don’t know something it makes me stupid, that I shouldn’t ask questions because it’s a sign that I am ‘dumber’ than everyone else.  

As a creative facilitator and director, in theory I want to make sure I have an answer for every question that a person can ask, but in practice that is impossible. In actual fact I have found that sometimes the most powerful thing you can do as a leader is to say the phrase ‘I don’t know’. I’ve found it breeds an environment of honesty and more often than not gains you the respect of whoever you’re working with.  

But to be able to say the phrase ‘I don’t know’ I have needed to become comfortable with not knowing, I’ve needed to build it as part of my culture throughout my creative practice. This is where CHILD comes in. I needed somewhere I could try out ideas for exercises, games and workshops, where they could fail and fall apart and (as I’m sure a lot of you are aware) a room of 30 young people with lots of different needs was not the right place for that. CHILD Creatives sessions would be spaces where facilitators and theatre artists could be comfortable in the process of learning what works and what doesn’t and that has the culture of learning at its heart. CHILD Creatives sessions would be somewhere where the phrase ‘I don’t know’ is commonplace and is seen as an opportunity, not a shameful admission.

This blog is called ‘Unfinished Conversations’ because it will also uphold these ideals, we are not aiming to write pieces that give answers, but that provoke conversations. In the coming weeks we’ll be touching on things like mental health, sports and we’ll be interviewing creatives, all the while discussing the most interesting aspects of theatre, education and ‘doing things differently’. But the conversations are ‘unfinished’ because you have not shared your thoughts yet, so tweet, comment, voice note, vlog your thoughts on whatever we have been talking about and let’s have those conversations.

Coming back into rooms more and more I am constantly realising just how isolated we as facilitators were, even before the pandemic. We are often staffed on projects that reach out into the community, in pairs or sometimes even solo, missing out on any sort of team camaraderie. What if we were to come together in discussions and sessions like we have at CHILD Creatives, make connections across our community, and commit to the culture of learning from each other, what would our world feel like then? Warmer? More inclusive? Happier?

I don’t know.

But I’d like to find out.

By Ed Hill,

CHILD’s Founder.

These blogs are called ‘Unfinished Conversations’ because we want to hear your opinions/input on these topics.

So why not: